Missed

It seems that as my kids grow older I often think that I may have missed some important parenting class along the way. Remember when you first wanted to begin having children, all the excitement all the books, magazines, catalogs, and endless conversations about babies? How to give birth, the best deals on clothes, toys, cribs, etc. Your mind seemed to revolve around having the baby as if the baby would always be a baby.

I remember learning that there would be some challenges with new babies, the adjustments, the sleepless nights, feeding, diaper changes, naps, schedules. Sure it was gruelling at times.

But I have come to believe for myself that those first few years are absolutely the easiest part of raising children. I thought back and you know, I never once during that time thought of all the myriad of situations I would find myself in as a parent and doing all the text book things don't always work unless you live in a perfect world. Which leads me back to the feeling that I missed something along the way that may have prepared me better. Yeah, right. If anyone thought that far ahead (when your kids are older than 3) when they begin their families they probably wouldn't have kids for fear of the daunting task. I however am glad I had my kids but often sit perplexed at how unskilled I am as a mother.

Parenting, is a learned art. Unfortunately it may take our whole life to learn it. In the mean time we are faced with the daily surprises that come at us like those moments when you hit your head on the corner of the cupboard. It's a surprise! and boy is it frustrating!

So it has been my lovely task the past several months to instill some sort of civility in my home. For some reason my two children who have oodles of great qualities, have all but forgotten that we are a family and that siblings are actually a blessing. Yes, you guessed it, my little family is not perfect. Lately every day is filled with tattling on each other, storms of "it's not fair", "she gets this or he gets that and I don't", endless comparing with each other, refusal to be kind to each other, and the list goes on.

Now understand that my placement in my family was the peacemaker. I do remember whining a lot (sorry mom and dad), but I don't remember being a tattler or someone who didn't share or who purposefully said "no" just for the heck of saying it. I liked to keep peace, wanted others to feel welcome and was just plain scared to go against the grain. So with that said, my children's sibling rivalry comes as sort of an extra shock. I think to myself "did these kids really come from my me?" Now know that as I'm writing this I'm chuckling at the same time. I mean, it's all I can do, but to look at it with a smile. Otherwise I think I would just lock myself in the bathroom until my kids are grown and parents themselves.

Regarding placement, I know that it is normal for siblings to have some rivalry, it's just how they learn how to get along with others in life. But I began to think that in some respects my kids are both like "first children". Think about it, if you have one then they are the "only child", if you have 3 you have the middle child and the baby, But if you have two you have the oldest child but the youngest child ends up getting what the oldest child got as well. For instance, Daria had me all to herself for 2 1/2 years. Well, when she went to school, Dustin has had me all to himself. I often wonder if the extreme competition between the two is that they both feel they have the "place" in the family. Ken and I have never compared them, you know like "see how nice your sister eats her vegetables", we've always tried to just focus on the kid them self.

At the same time I see a bit of our society creeping into my children's brains. We are a fortunate people to live in the US. At the same time the great blessings of wealth and materialism in this country can really hamper a parents ability to teach their children thankfulness, gratitude, positive attitudes and not being selfish. Don't misunderstand me, my kids for the most part are thankful, but since they've never had to live in want I don't believe they understand that what we have is a privilege not a right.

Now you would think after this long post I would have some huge remedy. But believe me Ken and I have tried so many things and so far to no avail. I'm convinced that the best remedy would be to move to another country so the kids could see what blessings we have here, and to learn to rely on family more. But since the chance of us living in another country is about zero, I have to find creative ways to teach them here.

The contention in our home has been at an all time high with Daria and Dustin, which is alarming in itself, and we have company coming in for Daria's baptism and I shudder to think of what may happen between the two kids when family is visiting!!!

My biggest fear is the knowledge that my kids are only 5 and 8, WHAT IN THE WORLD will teenagehood be like!

AHHHHH, maybe tomorrow will be a better day! Gotta love it!